


Manibus

by Max_Lily



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Cinnamon bun - Noah, First Kiss, Hand-job, M/M, pynch - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-06-09 19:44:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6920485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Max_Lily/pseuds/Max_Lily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>The stillness in his features made Adam think of the calm before a reveal, the pain after speaking without thought. But it was gone in an instant to be replaced with the carefully controlled expressions. </i>
</p><p> </p><p>Adam and Ronan sort through the complicated dynamic between them. The struggle of figuring out what's real and what's not; getting past the insecurities; learning to accept what we feel is undeserved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Realizations

**Author's Note:**

> *******All characters don't belong to me; credit to the magnificent author, Maggie Stiefvater. This is a work of fiction on borrowed characters merely for entertainment and personal love for the characters.*********
> 
> The following story doesn't contain any spoilers so feel free to read without worry :) I plan on continuing this story if any reader asks me to do so. Reviews and comments, whether negative or positive, are more than welcome. So please don't hesitate.

~ ~

It’s one of those lazy afternoons, sunlight filtering into the room casting light in a streak of dust particles that starts narrow and widens till you could see the particles swaying idly, some floating and some slowly heading to the dark wood floor and disappearing peacefully. Ronan watched, filled with tranquil intensity, feeling as if time was moving just as slowly. As languorously. He felt the cold from the wall behind him seep through his shirt but he didn’t mind. He would have had his headphones on, blaring music on any other given day but he didn’t want to. Not now. _The silence was music enough_ , he thought, and Adam’s concentrated breathing was the soft melody that soothed just before the drop in hard instrumentals. 

Gansey and Blue had headed to Henry’s party some time ago, he can’t remember when. He only remembered the hurt look that briefly passed over Adam’s face and the swoop of disappointment that pooled in his stomach. Adam had watched them go before turning to look at him and Ronan had quickly turned away before he could read the look on his face, he’d then started towards the door abruptly, needing to leave, to stop thinking, to stop feeling.

“You’re not going either, are you?” Adam had said.

Ronan’s hand slipped from the knob.  
“Wasn’t planning on it” He’d replied, “Why? Suddenly changed your mind, Parrish?”

Adam snorted at that “Not really” he said, gesturing to the desk before him spilling with open books and scattered with an assortment of pencils. _Of course, Ronan thought, the ever over-achieving bastard_. It’s one of the things he hated about him, or loved. Hated to love.

“It’s not much, it’s just something I need to turn in soon” Adam said defensively as if he knew what he was thinking about him.

Ronan turned to the door again, almost reluctantly. He doesn’t know what he wants exactly. He could sit back on Adam’s bed and lie down as he was doing minutes ago, but then what? That ache would return again, So close yet so far. He couldn’t deal with it anymore. 

And yet, his hands hesitated. _Stay_ he wanted to hear. _Stay and –_

“Stay” Adam says behind him and the word lingers in the room, like a forgotten curse, an echoing whisper, like something he just conjured out of his dreams. He wasn’t sure if it was, so he turns around and Adam is watching him expectantly. 

Ronan doesn’t say anything. He walks back to the bed and sits across the bed with his back resting against the wall, head turned up as if he were about to sleep. He was more wide awake than ever.

And Adam knew that he was. His gaze hasn’t wavered from him since blue and Gansey left. He’d watched as Gansey instinctively reached for Blue’s hands, trying to tell her to hurry. She was bickering with Ronan and Adam was watching with a small smile on his face. If Gansey hadn’t hesitated, it would have been normal, but he’d hesitated.  
If it were someone else, it would’ve passed as awkwardness, but Adam knew Gansey too well, knew from the blank, innocent that his face took up in those few minutes after reaching that it was guilt and not embarrassment. He didn’t want to hurt Adam. Typical Gansey. But he’d hurt him merely by not telling him. Typical Gansey. 

He frowned as they shut the door behind them thinking that he’d see how long they’d keep this a secret from him when he’d turned to be met with Ronan’s blue eyes. His breathe stuck in his chest for a few milliseconds, caught by surprise and held there with something else. Something he couldn’t name. 

The stillness in his features made Adam think of the calm before a reveal, the pain after speaking without thought. But it was gone in an instant to be replaced with the carefully controlled expressions. His eyes were closed now, his dark eyelashes fluttering against his cheek as if he was deep in thought behind his closed eyes. If it weren’t for the stark black ink that curled slightly to the sides of his neck, he would have thought Ronan’s long eyelashes made him someone else. Someone softer, gentler; someone that’s becoming more familiar these days. 

With apprehensive curiosity, Adam’s eyes trailed down the harsh edges of tattoos that were peaking to his collarbone then to his arms that were well visible from his black muscle-tee. They were corded with slight muscle, lean but strong as Adam had witnessed from the fight with his father.

As if feeling his eyes on him, Ronan tensed and Adam quickly turned back to his open books, trying to gather his thoughts to figure out where he’d stopped. Minutes passed by like that, hunched over the desk and trying to sort unnamed thoughts. He’d progressed a small amount on his essay but he felt his interest slipping away slick as oil. He stood up abruptly and Ronan snapped his eyes open in surprise. His blue eyes shined with a question. Adam ignored it and hobbled towards the bed before he lost his nerve. He sat beside Ronan and breathed out a long sigh. It was exhaustion; exhaustion and confusion and helplessness. He wanted to ask a question or maybe answer one.

“Okay, Parrish?” Ronan’s voice broke the silence from beside him.  
“If it was Latin, I’d have had you do it” he replied, feeling like there was some other conversation going on between them and this one was background noise to that one.  
“You’d have begged me to do it” corrected Ronan confidently and rightfully so, considering that this was one class that Ronan was top in rather than him.  
Adam felt himself smiling. This he was familiar with. “And..?” he prompted.  
“And I’d say no” Ronan replied, tasting the lie even as he spoke.

Ronan watched as a slow smile crept up Adam’s lips. There was slight tiredness in his eyes but they still shone resolutely. This close, he could see the small freckles smattering the bridge of his nose and slightly on his cheeks. Ronan almost reached out to touch them. He didn’t. Instead he focused his gaze on his long fingers that fiddled on his lap uncertainly. Adam’s hands. Hands that occupied his dreams and occupied his thoughts long after the dreams. 

Adam looked at him for a second and then dropped his gaze shyly. He was insecure, uncertain. Ronan wanted to assure him somehow. Tell him things that he’d never dare voice but had recited to him in his head constantly. 

He reached out and placed a hand on Adam’s wrist, stopping his fiddling and then without thought he pulled one hand onto his own lap, marveling at his braveness, at his stupidity. He rubbed circles on the back of his hand with his thumb and then he turned them up to trace the lines on his palm. 

He didn’t dare look up for fear of what look he might see, but beside him, Adam breathed evenly as if it was the most normal thing. He was watching Ronan closely as he traced his hands, head bent, eye lashes casting shadows on his prominent cheekbones. 

_Manibus_. He’d once written.

Once again thoughts came rising back up nagging at him. Was it possible that Ronan liked him? Him of all people… He couldn’t comprehend. His head already felt cloudy from the feel of Ronan’s warm, calloused hands on his.

 _Unknowable_. He heard in his head. The familiar voice that always nagged him. _You’re unknowable._

Silence stretched out between them, the conversation seemed to have come to a stop and Adam’s heart stuttered in fear of what was to come next. He watched as Ronan finally looked up at him through his lashes. Adam’s breath came out ragged and unsteady as he wet his lips and then slowly, slowly as if to give Adam time to stop him, he raised his fingers to his lips. Time seemed to stop around them and Adam grew more aware of Ronan’s warmth beside him. Ronan whose own breath was as unsteady. 

The first kiss was a quick one for fear of rejection. The second was slow and deliberate with the new found knowledge that he hadn’t pulled back. Adam felt heat rush to his face when he felt soft lips pressing to the pad of his fingers. And then Ronan’s blue eyes, dark with the sight of Adam’s parted lips, looked up at him fearlessly, answering all his questions, all his worries. He watched mesmerized as Ronan brought down his lips again slowly – so slow that the feel of his hot breath on the inside of his hands made Adam shudder. When he felt his lips again, soft as a whisper, on the center of his palms, he felt his heart break. The tenderness restricted his breath and his heart pounded in painful, deliberate beats. The sound filled his ears and begged him to breath but he felt he couldn’t - wouldn’t - breathe if he didn’t kiss Ronan Lynch. So he did.

In his hesitation, he could only manage to brave touching his lips to Ronan’s soft ones. Ronan let out a startled sound and before he could pull back to look at him, he rested his hand on Adam’s cheek and leaned in for another one.

One kiss, then another and another and another. 

Ronan’s spine tingled slowly and torturously. Please don’t be a dream, he thought to himself, feeling his eyes shut tight for fear of waking up.  
Adam Parrish. Adam fucking Parrish.

 _It’s a dream_ , something fierce hissed in his ear, but the feel of Adam’s pillowy lips silenced it almost immediately. He felt Adam’s warm breath so close to him and his head swam with the realness of it all. This was something he’s always wanted. He never acknowledged it, buried it so deep that it was reduced to a subconscious thought that only resurfaced to his mind when he found himself looking at Adam, unsure what he’d been doing before and how he’d come to be held speechless by his deep-set blue eyes. It had resurfaced only in his dreams before he’d wake feeling happy and lost and in anguish. This was different though. The way their mouths met each other in nervous anticipation, familiar but hesitant.

It felt like a continuation of something they’d started long ago, like this was their place, this was theirs. It was real. 

As if to affirm that last thought, Ronan grabs the back of Adam’s head and pulls him closer. Adam adjusts his lips fondly, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. Something snaps in the air between them suddenly like it had been tilting dangerously and falling surely. Suddenly Adam is grabbing on to Ronan’s neck by both hands and Ronan is tracing his fingers over his cheeks lightly. Whatever insecurity Adam had been feeling was gone, replaced with a hazy drunk feel from the closeness of Ronan. This gentleness was so unlike Ronan would have been his first thought, but now he knew. The boy who conjured up creatures of his dreams that loved him, whom he loved more. The boy that had slammed his fist in to Robert Parrish’s face like it was the easiest thing he’d done. This was him. With all the profanity, disregard for school and all that dangerous tinge. But also the unexpected care and lightness too. It was an impossible mix that made Ronan Ronan. Adam couldn’t ask for anything else.

Feeling brave, Adam traces his hands from Ronan’s neck down to the side of his bare arms. He feels Ronan’s breathe hitch and Adam is filled with an intoxicating feeling of smugness before Ronan’s lips dart out to slide across his bottom lip. His hands tighten their grip just above Ronan’s elbows but Ronan doesn’t stop. He bites the swollen bottom lip lightly and drags his teeth across it while simultaneously darting his tongue out to touch it again. 

Adam can’t help it, he moans. The sound reverberates across the room like a statement and he feels his face heat up. Surely Ronan had heard it and he knew he was right when he felt Ronan’s small smile on his lips.

 _Smug bastard_ , he wanted to say but that would mean pulling away and that wasn’t going to happen. Instead, he answered by slipping his own tongue between Ronan’s lips. His lips part and then it’s all the wet slide of mouths and desperate tangle of tongues. It felt like reaching for something that they couldn’t quite reach, struggling to get somewhere but blinded with too much of something. Too much of something that couldn’t quite seem to be sated. The distance between them disappears but neither is aware who reached first. Their hearts beat in incongruous manner that told them that there should be more, more of this, more of each other. 

Ronan’s hands reach up under his shirt and run up Adam’s back in a manner that didn’t match the fervor of their kisses. Their kisses pick up more desperation in an attempt to match the fervor that they wanted to reach with their hands. Adam’s lungs ache and white spots flash behind his closed eyes signaling shortness of breath. He reluctantly pulls away and gasps for air, resting his forehead against Ronan’s. His hands had moved to the other boys back and he can feel the strain of muscle and intake of breath as Ronan’s breathe tangles with his in the space between them. He closes his eyes till his vision clears and then he opens them to find that the afternoon sun had subsided in that way that urged you to get things done before dark. 

Ronan’s blazing eyes, a stark contrast against his pale skin, look back at him. His lips were as red and swollen as his own felt. Their warm breathes mingled as their breaths slowed down. He wasn’t sure if it was the vulnerable look that he saw behind Ronan’s fiery, blue gaze or the handsome features that were so close to him, that displayed comfort and trust and home. But he found himself leaning to kiss the side of his neck that he’d been marveling at before. Ronan’s breathy sigh was more than a welcome invitation.  
Before he changed his mind, Adam reached for the hem of Ronan’s tee and pulled it up. Ronan complied without hesitation, slipping it off and throwing it across the room.  
Adam doesn’t know where it landed, he didn’t care either. His vision was filled with Ronan’s lean body in front of him. Sharp edges of his tattoo have crawled out to his sides as if they would reach up from behind to pull him in. He reached to run his fingers over the peaking edges and heard Ronan hiss. The sound muddled his brain. He traced over the ink and then continued till his hands were on Ronan’s chest and they were sliding down his naked torso. 

It was strange, but Adam felt like this was one of the things he’d wanted that he couldn’t name. Ronan’s open gaze and his own hands tracing his back, tracing the ink, tracing all over.


	2. Awkward Confrontations

Darkness bled into the room, casting shadows all about but none of them moved to turn on the lights. They both lied on their backs on Adam’s narrow bed; their bodies lined up and only separated in the middle for they twined fingers between them. Ronan had thrown one arm beneath his head, trying to swallow the sudden turn of things. Things had escalated quickly, like a bottled eruption and they’d been kissing with the desperation that Ronan, prior to this, thought had existed only from his part.

Adam tried to slow his breathing and concentrate on the calm feeling of Ronan’s long fingers twined with his, but the feel of Ronan’s naked torso lined against his side was proving to be rather distracting. His own navy blue T-shirt would have been discarded if he hadn’t halted Ronan. Adam would have let him, wanted to let him but his hand had almost involuntarily clamped over Ronan’s wrist. Of course Ronan had looked at him with complete understanding, the dying light carving his handsome face in soft shadows and magnifying his blue eyes. He’s only placed a chaste on his cheek and they’d lied back on bed, reeling with euphoria and questions. 

~ ~

The next morning, Ronan had woken with a start, sensing that he wasn’t in his own room. The window directly over his head cast sunlight in a way that told him he was In Adam’s room. Yesterday’s events ran through his mind like a familiar, worn entry of a journal. He’d dreamed of it, thought of it for so long that his heart constricted in doubt even as he turned his head to look at the figure sleeping next to him.

Rays of sunlight shone on Adam’s soft head of sandy-brown hair, casting few strands golden. He slept on his side, turned towards Ronan. Both his hands were shoved under his pillow in a way that made Ronan want to chuckle. His delicate features were softened in his sleep and Ronan reached a hand without hesitation to run it through Adam’s hair, finding it as soft as he’d always imagined. 

“Adam?” a voice cut through the sleepy haze like icy water over the head. Ronan sat up quickly. Gansey. The locks turned in vain effort for Adam had locked the door before they slept. 

“Adam?” this time, Gansey’s voice was laced with frustration. Ronan went through options over his head. Should he just open the door and face whatever questions Gansey would have? Should he tell him and Adam are – what _are_ they anyway? 

Gansey’s knocking grew incessant. “Adaaammm” he drawled out with each knock. 

Just then, Adam sat up; so quick that Ronan startled and almost crashed the back of his head against the wall behind him in surprise. Across the room, Gansey’s drawling went on.  
The whole affair was so out of the ordinary, so unexpected that Ronan felt that something must have gone loose in his head. And he found that this is in fact the case when, after one glance at the side of Adam’s head where his sandy hair stuck out of his head in odd angles, he snorted out loud in laughter. 

Adam’s wide, terrified eyes turned to him and his hand reached out to clamp Ronan’s mouth shut. Ronan barely contained his laughter in the few moments of confused silence that followed. Both sat silent, hearts pounding.

“Adam?” Gansey’s said warily. Silence. And then, finally, Gansey gave out a long sigh and a thud followed as he banged his head against the door.

“Head-ache’s killing me” he muttered. “I swear Adam if you’re not sleeping, you better let me in. I need pain killers” 

Gansey is the only one Ronan ever knew who could wake up early in the morning with a hangover. He guessed that Gansey didn’t want to wake up Blue and probably went over to _his_ room and found that he wasn’t there. 

“Fine” an annoyed sigh then soft footsteps continued on to the stairs and complete silence accompanied Gansey’s departure. 

Adam and Ronan erupted in laughter. Partly over the image of Gansey’s face if they hadn’t locked the door and partly over drunken giddiness over what had transpired between them. Their cheeks hurt by the time their laughter died and Adam felt like he was floating at the sight of Ronan’s twinkling eyes. 

He watched almost regretfully as Ronan retrieved his shirt from the floor and donned it on, his back muscles rippling with silent and sleek power. It made Adam blush furiously and glance away. Ronan gave him another mischievous smile as their eyes met again, giving Adam the distinct feeling that he could see through him. Ronan reached and ran a hand through the ensnared tangles of Adam’s soft hair once more, wanting to do much more than that.

They smiled hesitantly at each other before Ronan turned away and left, closing the door with a soft click that left a hole in Adam.

~ ~

“I hate you” Gansey said easily as Ronan showed up at Monmouth. Everyone was gathered there; Blue was sprawled on the couch, flicking through channels; Adam was sitting at the desk, most probably resuming his work from yesterday. He’d only glanced up and nodded at Ronan before turning back to work. Noah was sitting by Chainsaw, looking bored.

“Why?”  
“Because you’re never there when I need you” Gansey grumbled. It was afternoon now; Ronan had gone for a long run after a quick stop at his place, needing to clear his head.  
“Painkillers?” Ronan asked.  
Gansey groaned in agreement.  
“Why don’t you ever buy your own?” Noah rolled his eyes.  
“Well I did have to buy some today, no thanks to all of you” Gansey glared pointedly across the room. Adam ignored him, diligently scribbling. 

“Don’t blame me, I was half-dead by then” Blue said sleepily. She most probably woke up few minutes ago as all suffering from hangovers normally would. She was resting her head on the pillows stacked behind her, not turning her head to look at Ronan as if her head would shatter otherwise. Gansey glanced at her before turning to him.

“Ronan, want to make it up to me?” Gansey glanced at him meaningfully. Ronan immediately understood.  
“Sure” He sighed and pulled out his keys from his pocket.

 

Watching Gansey fumbling and reddening was too satisfying that Ronan had let him go on stuttering until he couldn’t help himself and had burst out in laughter.  
“I know” He’d simply said once he could muster up enough breath to speak. 

“Fucking Lynch” Gansey muttered indignantly. His friend crossed his arms and looked out the window thoughtfully. It was a clear day in Henrietta, neither cloudy nor sunny. People milled about in small throngs across town, without trouble and without fuss as is the true nature of Sunday afternoons.  
“Do you think he knows?” Neither had to elaborate on who the “He” at question was. They both knew. Adam. Ronan racked his brain trying to find an answer. The truth was that he didn’t know. After yesterday, he wasn’t sure he knew anything at all. Adam had ever only been interested in Blue as far as Ronan knew. He didn’t know what was happening between them, what Adam was thinking. If yesterday was something real for Adam as it had been for him…

He wouldn’t think too much of that for now so he replied honestly that he didn’t know. 

Gansey frustratedly ran his hand through his brown hair and Ronan felt bad that he couldn’t help his friend with that.

“You should tell him though” he suggested. “Adam won’t appreciate you keeping it from him.”

Gansey opened him mouth as if to say something – Would he mind? Does he still have feelings for her? –but decided against it. Ronan held back from releasing a relieved sigh. 

 

When they got back , Gansey was as twitchy as ever. Once they passed out the burgers they’d bought, Gansey sat further away from Blue as possible and Ronan wanted to smack him upside the head. Even Noah rolled his eyes. Blue only glanced at him briefly and said nothing. Adam munched on his food silently as if unaware of everything going on around him. They ate in comfortable ease aside from the obvious elephant in the room, bickering and teasing occasionally till Blue sat up, hangover cured from the onslaught of another headache probably, and declared that she had to go. 

“Noah, you coming?” At that, he’d perked up and trotted alongside Blue in relief. But not before smirking at Ronan in a way that told him that Noah knew much more than he thought. He quickly shook away that thought. 

Ronan didn’t have to give an excuse, so he simply ignored Gansey’s nervous look and followed after Noah. 

 

Silence followed the sound of their friends’ footsteps outside and the room broke out in tension. Adam guessed what this was about and stared at Gansey’s nervous fiddling, willing him to say something – he didn’t disappoint. 

“I think I might be dating Blue” Gansey mumbled. He cut right to the chase and then reached forward clumsily to slurp the rest of his drink.  
“You _think_?”  
“No…I mean yes… I mean we kissed” Gansey ran his hand through his hair and sighed. “Look, Adam, you don’t like her still, do you?” 

Adam contemplated how to answer that. After yesterday, could he say he’d ever been attracted to a girl? He mused over his thoughts when he’d first met Blue – her short figure and the curves he’d found himself looking at discreetly. Yes, he was attracted to her – he is attracted to girls. Then thoughts of Ronan came unbarred. His tall, lean shape and wide shoulders; his handsome features that rested in an aloof, almost-hostile expression; the small smiles that lit his crystal blue eyes in warmth and the feel of taut, sleek muscle. 

Adam cleared his throat loudly, not trusting his voice. 

“No” he was certain of this at least. 

Gansey’s face broke out in a smile. 

“You’re terrible at keeping secrets from people, Gansey” Adam dead-panned.

The smiled disappeaered. “Have all of you known all along? Geez…” he sighed. “At least Noah…”

“Oh trust it to be Noah who’d figured it out first” Adam interrupted, musing fondly of the secret smile Noah had given him when he’d appeared this morning with all his untouched work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are enjoying it so far!! More Pynch/Adam coming up. Also, more Noah because he is a cinnamon bun and the world needs more of him. Leave suggestions for upcoming chapters if you have any :) 
> 
> Also feel free to post reviews and comments; let me know if I've made mistakes.


	3. Noah's Crush

Monday droned on as slowly as every other school day and Ronan would occasionally find himself wondering why he’s even there, until he catches sight of a sandy-haired figure in front of him, a row over - and remembers. Adam keeps his head down mostly, as if to make himself as small as possible. If he ever interacts in class, it’s because his intellectual mind takes over his obvious need to stay invisible. 

This morning, Ronan had woken up to the thought of driving Adam to school. He’d pondered the idea and tried to picture himself appearing at Adam’s door and offering a ride. He’d mulled over the idea over and over, wishing Adam had a phone so he could’ve texted him to ask or something. Then he’d thought of buying Adam a phone… at that thought, he shut off his thoughts and forced himself to drive to school alone.

He knew Adam didn’t want anyone’s help and offering to do so would only push him away. He watched him now, looking down at his textbook, brows furrowed in concentration, and entertained the idea of throwing his own textbook at the back of Adam’s head out of frustration – and also smoothing the worry crease between his brows.

“Ronan” a voice interrupted his train of thoughts. Several eyes turned to look at him but he was only aware of a particularly blue set. He reluctantly brought his attention to the front of the class where Mr. Koltz was frowning at him. 

“Why isn’t your textbook open?” 

He uncrossed his arms and flipped the textbook to a random page before returning to his previous position. “Now it’s open”

The balding man in front of him turned three different shades of red, looking as if he was about to shed the remaining strands of grey hair. His mouth opened several times trying to voice frustration and then suddenly snapped shut in a thin purse of lips. With a grunt, he turned back to his lecture.

Adam raised his brows at him, neck flushed at the blunt way Ronan was staring at him a few minutes before.Ronan shrugged at him and was rewarded with a small, amused smile. That smile made the rest of the day bearable. 

~ ~

Adam felt his mood dampening as the day went on. He’d been partnered with Elliott for Chemistry and the other boy was so quiet that he couldn’t hear more than a few words of what he was saying. At first, Adam had avoided mentioning his non-functioning left ear, but then completing the assigned work has proved so impossible that he’d had to swallow his pride and explain to Elliott. He hated feeling weak. And now he had to go to work on cars in this scorching heat.

He dejectedly unlocked his bicycle and steered it towards the road, willing the day to go by fast. That’s when he noticed the BMW pulled up in front of him. The window rolled down and Ronan’s stern face appeared. He didn’t even look at him as he simply said, “Get in, Parrish”

This isn’t the first time Ronan had offered him a ride; him and Gansey usually do whenever they see him after school. Often, Adam would refuse but today he would be stupid to. He put the bicycle in the trunk and eagerly settled in the car. Ronan looked over at him curiously, most likely surprised at his willingness. 

“You should try this attitude more often” Ronan snorted.

“You should try being more attentive” Adam retorted, thinking back to the earlier class. Even as the words left his mouth, he felt like a hypocrite, his own eyes straining to the other boy’s impressive biceps. Strands of ink curled around his arms in an indecipherable way and Adam thought they’d only be a complete picture in reference to the tattoo on Ronan’s back. He cursed at himself for not having looked at them more closely when he had the chance. 

The rest of the ride was filled with comfortable silence. Neither addressed the obvious for neither knew what to say. The car smelled musky and expensive but there was another smell – something distinctly Ronan- that soothed Adam’s edgy mood. It was something like soap and sandalwood or like wild fire and spice. 

There was something about Ronan’s confident grip on the wheels and relaxed posture that appealed to Adam intensively. This wasn’t the first time he’d felt a heady rush at the sight, but it’s the first time he was able to place exactly what he felt. He pictured Ronan without the short-sleeved shirt behind the wheel, pale skin against the dark leather. 

“Well” Ronan prompted, eye brows raised. Adam felt blood rush to his face.  
“Yeah, um…” He glanced out the window to find the dusty trailer park waiting for him, filled with several cars and a few sweaty workers. “Thanks, I’ll see you later”  
Ronan nodded at him. He considered offering a ride back home later and thought better of it. He had a better idea. 

~ ~

When Adam caught sight of Ronan’s BMW outside after work, he was completely baffled. He wheeled his bike with him as he approached, feeling both relieved and annoyed. Adam hated the idea of depending on anyone. He had to do this without anyone’s help or he will never feel deserving of anything. If only his friends understood that about him.

As he got closer, he could hear loud music blaring from the open window and soft speaking voices. Ronan wasn’t alone. 

“Adam” Noah peaked out of the open window cheerfully. His blonde hair was unruly but looked good in a way only Noah could pull off.  
“Noah, what are you guys doing here?”  
“Get in, Parrish. We’re going to Nino’s” Ronan’s low voice called out challengingly. Adam considered declining if only to discourage his friends from feeling like they need to help him, but decided against it. He’d enjoy himself for now.

“Thanks” he said as he settled in the front seat. Noah went back to sprawling in the backseat. “But do you mind if we go to my place first? I need to change”  
“Are you kidding me?” Noah whined from behind. “Her shift might end soon” 

Both Ronan and Adam rolled their eyes at this. Noah’s crush on one of the waitresses in Nino’s has been consistent since last year. He bothered them endlessly to take him there so he could pin over her, too shy to ever do anything.

“Look, bro we’re not going there to entertain your little crush on Mia. I’m actually hungry, okay?” Ronan grumbled as he pulled out of the trailer park.  
“It’s not just a crush” Noah mumbled. 

 

Once they reached Adam’s place, he suggested they come up and wait till he showered, much to Noah’s chagrin. Ronan went up the creaky old stairs behind Adam and tried to ignore Noah’s constant complaints. He’d thought of backing up Noah and suggesting that Adam not change at all – just because he liked Adam’s tanned, sweaty appearance- but had thought better against it.

And so they waited till Adam showered, and Ronan entertained himself by teasing Noah until Adam appeared freshly dressed in a dark blue shirt and random jeans. His sandy hair looked darker than ever and few wavy strands fell on his forehead before he shoved them back impatiently. 

Ronan wished he could do that for him. 

“Let’s go” he said instead after clearing his throat. Noah grinned a shit-eating grin at that. 

 

“Hey guys” Mia greeted them. By then, they were at speaking terms. All thanks to Noah, who shyly greeted her back. Her dark brown skin flushed at that and she brushed a few escaped strands of hair behind her ears, her large brown eyes flitting back and forth between Noah and the rest of them nervously. 

Adam resisted the urge to mash their heads together and get it over with. Ronan must have had the same train of thought because he sighed a little. Adam and Ronan muttered a mostly-ignored “Hi” and followed as she led them towards the back of the room where they usually sat. After she took their orders, she smiled shyly at Noah and left.

“She smiled at me” Noah melted into the booth next to Adam. 

Adam couldn’t resist smacking him upside the head this time. “She’s been smiling at you since the first day we walked through those doors. Ask her out soon or she’ll be taken again.” 

Noah frowned, no doubt thinking back to that day when they’d seen her leave her shift and leave hand in hand with a tall, dark-haired boy. If the smiles she’s giving him are anything to go by, she’s single now and ready to mingle.

Once their food was brought, Adam dug in. He’d been hungry the whole afternoon and now that it was getting dark, the hunger had reached a critical level. Ronan stretched his arms over the back of his seat and ate slowly as if he had all the time in the world. Half-way through Adam almost shoving down a whole burger, he grinned wickedly and said, “Slow down Parrish, food’s not going anywhere” 

He then gestured to Noah, who’d barely touched his fries and was looking at Mia. If he weren’t so busy pinning, he’d have been done with his food and sneaking some from their plates. Despite his wiry frame, Noah had one hell of an appetite. They were the only ones left now, as is usually the case. The tables around them were clean and the chairs were hanged up for the night. Mia was sitting at the counter, talking to the barista, Dave. Now was a good time to talk to her but Noah being Noah couldn’t muster up the courage yet again. 

He sighed dejectedly. “I’ll be back, then we can leave” He pushed out of the booth and headed for the bathroom. 

Ronan watched as his blonde head disappeared round the corner and got up suddenly. Adam startled and gazed cautiously at the other boy’s wickedly-twinkling eyes. 

“What?” he said around the fries he’d snuck from Noah.  
“Get up, let’s go”

 

Mia looked up at them in surprise as they approached.

“Dave, can we have two lattes at our table?” Ronan said. Dave nodded.  
“Mia, could you tell Noah we’ll back. We have something to take care of.”  
“Oh, sure” she smiled.

If Ronan felt Adam’s stare boring holes in his back, he didn’t show it. He casually paid for their dinner and left without another word. Adam followed.  
“Ronan, we are not gonna ditch him”  
“We’re not ditching him; we’re doing him a favor”  
“Whatever you’re trying to do, it’s not gonna work”  
“We’ll just have to see” was Ronan’s reply as he steered them towards one of the windows close to their previous seats. 

They watched as Noah appeared and startled at the empty table. He ran his hand through his unkempt hair and gazed around confusedly as he took his seat. Just as he was about to reach for his phone, Mia appeared looking a bit nervous. 

“Um… they wanted me to tell you that they’d be back; they said they had to do something” she sat the two hot drinks on the table and proceeded to gather the empty plates. 

Something like realization dawned on Noah’s face and his face turned a deep shade of red. 

He muttered something under his breath. Most likely cursing them. 

“What?” Mia said.  
“Oh, nothing…I just…” they lapped into another silence and Ronan palmed his face beside Adam. They watched hopelessly as Mia turned to leave when suddenly, Noah spluttered a nervous “Wait”

“Yeah?” She turned towards him.  
“They’re probably not coming back. Would you like to have a drink?” He gestured towards one of the drinks. His face was now a permanently stained red.  
“Oh…um…” She glanced towards Dave, who gave her thumbs up. Apparently even the barista was privy to their painfully awkward back and forth. 

Her face lit up in a shy smile as she turned back to Noah. “Sure” 

Adam didn’t see what else transpired as his attention became solely focused on the small smile that spread over Ronan’s face. He looked genuinely satisfied over his friend’s happiness and his features softened as he watched. Adam felt himself sinking further into a pitfall that he never saw coming. 

~ ~

Adam kept silent after that. He followed Ronan towards the car and didn’t even ask where they were going as Ronan pulled out on to the street. He looked out the window and watched as the night darkened. He felt the other boy’s gaze like pinpricks of heat but never dared to look back. Not until they pulled in front of supermarket. 

“I’ll be back” Ronan said before slipping out of the car. Adam watched curiously as he went inside and appeared a few minutes later with a shopping bag. Once he got in the car, he handed him the bag. Adam looked inside to find two buckets of ice-cream and two plastic spoons.

He smiled secretly. The night’s just getting started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't really happy about this chapter :( but had to do it in order to set in for the events of next chapter. The next one, I'm excited about!! I will be updating very soon. 
> 
> Also, I just had to let Noah have someone, because he's too adorable and he deserves the world.


	4. Night Shenanigans

~ ~

“Come here often?” Adam asked as Ronan pulled over the car.

Everything was swallowed with darkness except for a few feet before them that was lit by the BMW’s headlights. They’d stopped a few feet away from the edge of a cliff that overlooked Henrietta and they could see the outline of their small town, dark but for few lit houses. The further part of town was a constellation of stars, looking too sparse to be as bright as a city but too beautiful to be dull. 

Ronan grabbed the bag back form Adam and moved out of the car. Warm air filtered through the open door and the eerily calm night noises followed. As Adam hoped out of the car, he couldn’t help but feel as if they should set up a camp site. He remembered how much he’d always wanted to go camping as a kid and thought if his father had ever indulged his endless pleas it would have felt something like this. 

Ronan hoped onto the hood of the car and watched calmly as Adam followed suit. “I used to come here with Mathew sometimes” he said and looked away quickly before the other boy could sense his lingering gaze. 

They both reached for a tub of ice cream and silence fell between them as they stared ahead. For a while, they could only hear the silent breeze that ruffled the tall trees all around them. Ronan felt grateful that his erratic heartbeat was swallowed up by the night cries of small, unnamed creatures in the woods. He felt as if he’d laid some deep part of him bare by bringing Adam here.

He inhaled a small breath to calm his nerves and grabbed one of the plastic spoons. “Usually, I come here alone” he continued, carefully avoiding to look at the other boy.

“Why?” Adam said around a mouthful of chocolate chip ice cream. He’d found it interesting that Ronan had known what his favorite ice cream was, but he’d swallowed that part of him that wanted to dwell on the fact. Ronan, he knew, was very observant and he’d know these little things about all their friends. He mustn’t make anything out of it.

“I don’t know. I like the quiet” 

“How did you even find this spot?”

At that, Ronan’s features hardened and his knuckles turned even paler where he leaned on his arm in the space between them. 

“It was a few days after my father” he said, jaws clenching around the last word that they both knew. Adam suddenly felt uncomfortable and turned his gaze in front of him, silently berating himself for being nosy. But Ronan surprised him by continuing, “I was just driving around when I found myself here”

Adam pictured reckless Ronan speed driving through these lonely, unused roads – so detached from the rest of Henrietta. He pictured his heart racing and drowning his thoughts, and he understood what this place meant to him.

“It’s nice” Adam said softy. What he wanted to say was thank you for bringing me here, for showing me this part of you, for trusting me. But he glanced up and caught Ronan’s blue eyes that seemed as dark as the woods behind him and his pale skin that contrasted with all that darkness; he watched the sharp angles of his face that cast soft shadows over strong features and the lean shape of his body that lounged on his father’s car- a cautious distance from him, and he felt a familiar self-conscious voice that buried his thoughts. 

The voice was then drowned out when Ronan looked over at him. Something shifted in those few seconds and Ronan suddenly felt like the space between them was awkward and out of place. He hopped off to lean on the car instead, crossing his feet at the ankles. This way he could resist looking at the other boy’s mess of sandy hair and not feel the urge to smooth it. 

Suddenly, a soft voice spoke behind him, “It feels like camping. I’ve always wanted to go camping” Ronan turned for a few milliseconds, caught Adam’s soft features that matched his fragile voice and quickly brought his attention to carving his spoon into his ice cream.  
“What else have you always wanted to do?” He wished he sounded as uninterested as he wanted to seem.

“I used to always wish that my father would teach me how to ride bike, like I knew other fathers did” 

Ronan held his breath, feeling like any moment Adam would shut himself off again.

“I wanted to have birthday parties of my own, I wanted a Spiderman action figure” Adam couldn’t stop himself from rambling. “I wanted to buy my own car and I wanted to drive out of Henrietta”

“I used to wish for a bookshelf full of manga every birthday” he said wistfully, and Ronan felt the corners of his mouth lift.

Adam stopped for a second and the silence that followed was awkward to say the least. Between him putting away the ice cream and dropping beside Ronan, he took in a deep breath. Maybe it was that he felt so far from the town he dreaded or it was the other boy’s quiet attention, but he felt emboldened and desperate at the same time.

“I wanted to kiss a girl but I also wanted to kiss a boy” he said, so quietly that it could’ve been carried away unheard by the warm breeze. 

He didn’t know what he was doing but he had to do something and he had to get answers. He’d always suspected Ronan’s affection towards him. He’d been scared of embracing the thought as much as he was scared of finding out it wasn’t true. So it had been at the back of his mind mostly, locked out behind insecurity and fear. But they’d kissed that day and if that was what he’d be missing then he wanted to face those fears.

Ronan’s breath hitched and despite himself, he looked over to see Adam’s nervous gaze holding his resolutely.

“What about you?” He said, even quieter than last. Ronan’s gaze momentarily dipped towards his lips as they formed those words and he felt his façade crumbling. He looked back to meet his eyes and let him see everything. _I wanted you, I want you always_ they seemed to say.

Everything around them suddenly fell silent as if they were the only things alive. Adam could swear all the lights fizzled- all except Ronan’s blue eyes. He saw in them all his doubts trampled. He saw his fears not dismissed but acknowledged and accepted. He saw his flaws lighten and his strength brought to light. He saw his thoughts confirmed.

Adam allowed himself a moment to marvel at Ronan’s open gaze. Here was the boy who claimed to never lie while hiding behind his aloof manners; here he was letting him see. He felt awe and he felt fear of what he’d entrusted him with and he knew Ronan could see that in his own eyes. But that didn’t stop Ronan from kissing him.

The moment Ronan’s cold lips touched his, Adam felt alive. If the other kiss had been frenzied and unsure, this was slow and soft. Adam felt his heart soaring with each second, beating at its own frantic rhythm that made him feel disconnected from his own body. 

He tasted cold and sweet and warm all at the same time. Adam’s mind seemed barren of all thoughts, focused only on the sensation of Ronan’s warm hands on his cheek. 

When Ronan’s lips left his, everything in him screamed of loss and he made an embarrassingly frustrated sound. He opened his eyes to catch Ronan watching him wistfully. As if he couldn’t believe what was happening. Adam reached on his toes and placed a small kiss on the corner of his lips, meaning to reassure him but instead, displaying a tenderness that he had never known was in him. 

Ronan’s lips- glistening from the kiss- pulled up in one of his very rare smiles and now Adam was sure that he was fully disconnected from his body.  
When their lips met again, they were both reeling from the intensity of everything. Adam’s hands fit perfectly around Ronan’s waist and he didn’t even consider that he was kissing a boy. His hands drifted to strong shoulders and his face tilted upwards to meet the kisses, but it felt right. He wasn’t just kissing a boy, he was kissing Ronan. 

Adam tilted his head to deepen the kiss further and parted his lips when Ronan’s tongue drifted lightly over his lower lip. Their tongues collided and teeth clashed together but still Adam felt like he wanted more. He pulled Ronan’s swollen bottom lip between his and lightly grazed his teeth over them, surprised at himself. 

Ronan’s answering groan sent a wave of warm blood coiling at the pit of his stomach. His body buzzed with excitement and his head felt heavy with desire. He did it again.

The response this time was even better. Ronan’s controlled hold tumbled and he pushed Adam back against the car with a force that staled Adam’s breathe. The kisses turned frantic and Adam suddenly found himself half-lying over the hood, Ronan leaning over him. Something hit the ground with a thump and Adam hazily recalled the ice cream they’d left on the hood. 

When his lungs caught fire from a lack of breathe, he pulled his lips away reluctantly and breathed in heavy gulps, willing his blurring vision to clear. The latter proved to be impossible as Ronan’s warm hands slipped slowly under his shirt. The sky above him swirled with his reeling head and he wondered how he’d been able to last so far without this feeling. Wet lips kissed over his neck chastely, once again stealing his breathe. Teeth grazed over a spot where his neck connected to his shoulder and he stopped breathing all together. When he felt a hot tongue smooth over that same spot, he couldn’t help but moan and lift his hips.  
They both groaned at the contact and Ronan bit out a curse. Adam’s face flushed at the obvious sign of how much he was enjoying this. But he could also feel hardness pressed over his thigh and it felt like something out a dream- that someone could ever want him like this. 

Ronan, not at all embarrassed, moved to kiss him again. This time, their tongues mimicked an erotic dance of what their hips wanted to do. Adam felt himself losing all shreds of composure as Ronan’s hands tangled in his hair and pulled slightly to tilt his head better. He pulled Adam off the hood and they leaned against the hood once again, connected from head to toe as Ronan’s hands roamed over his back, leaving trails of fire and awakened nerves.  
Ronan never felt so turned on in his life. His jeans were scuffing and so uncomfortably tight. His skin has never felt so hot. He felt he’d never get enough of Adam’s soft moans and sighs. His lips felt as soft as he’d always dreamed they would and tracing his hands over his skin proved to be as satisfying. When he felt Adam’s hesitant hands reach under his shirt, he knew he was about to come undone today. 

Those hands that he’d always dreamed about- finally touching him…

As the hands moved over his chest and back, his breaths became ragged and uneven. He wanted to go on like this forever, have it never stop. But there was something he wanted to do even more. He reluctantly pulled Adam’s hands away and kissed his knuckles. Adam looked at him curiously, lips swollen and red.  
Ronan watched him closely as he moved his hands to his waist. Adam’s stomach clenched. Ronan’s eyes were clouded and almost black now and he licked his lips as he moved his hands even further, never taking his eyes off him. Adam felt the world spinning around the direction he felt they were going. Any other time, any other person, Adam would have refused. He could never imagine letting someone see him this way, but this time, he wanted it more than anything he’d ever wanted. So he conveyed as much confirmation as he could to Ronan through a half-lidded gaze. But it was enough of a confirmation to Ronan. 

He slowly worked on his belt buckle and Adam watched his nimble and careful fingers, willing them to be faster. Once his jeans were undone, Ronan leaned over to continue suckling on Adam’s skin. Adam was split into two; relishing the feel of Ronan’s lips and anticipating the touch he craved. 

When the touch came, Adam’s focus unquestioningly focused on that single sensation. Ronan’s hands closed over his hardness and he threw his head back to moan louder than ever. 

“Fuck” He hissed as the hand started to move. He couldn’t comprehend how good it felt. Ronan continued kissing his throat and licking at the skin he bruised. There would be marks soon but neither of them could bring themselves to care. 

With each tug, Adam’s stomach clenched painfully and he grew restless, bucking his hips and feeling more heat pool down as Ronan groaned into his neck. With each moment, he grew bold too. Too clouded with desire to let insecurities hold him back. 

“Ronan” He kept saying, his fingers were gripping his tattooed arms like they were an anchor. If it weren’t for his arms holding him, his knees would have given away for sure. 

His name was moaned and breathed almost worshipfully and Ronan felt each of them like a truck. His jeans were impossibly tight now and his need for relief has reached a critical level but he would give even that up for Adam’s pleasure. He resisted the urge to reach down into his own pants and leaned close to Adam, lips touching the shell of his ear and eliciting a shiver from the other boy.

“Yes, Adam?” He whispered, ignoring the hoarseness of his voice to suck his earlobe. 

“Harder” Adam breathed and Ronan almost came right then. Instead, he bit his lip hard and gripped harder, moving faster simultaneously. 

“God…yes...” Adam’s eyes closed tight and his hips started bucking more frantically. Ronan knew he was close and reveled in the fact that he’d brought this pleasure to Adam. He’d made him lose himself like this. His eyes moved over Adam, filing away his hooded gaze, his little sounds and his strung curse words and committing them to memory. 

Ronan tightened his grip further and Adam let out a strangled moan followed by an incoherent tumble of words then “Yes…Fuck, Please don’t stop” At this point, his breathing had turned to panting and his hold on Ronan’s arms had become painful quite a while ago.  
When Ronan moved a thumb over his slit at the head, his whole body tensed and stung up for the last time before he came. His lips moved indecipherably but he was sure he’d screamed Ronan’s name at one point or another. Ronan stroked him through his orgasm till the feel of his hands on the oversensitive skin had been too much to handle and he’d begged him to stop. His legs gave out and he slumped against Ronan’s chest, shuddering.  
Arms wrapped around him and enveloped him in warmth, stilling his erratic breath. 

“What about you?” 

Ronan chuckled and then kissed his forehead. Adam tightened his arms around his waist. This side of Ronan that slipped through the crack was almost unreal and beautiful in a soft way that isn’t the fierce kind he was used to. 

“Another time” Ronan breathed into his hair and Adam’s blood hummed with all the possibilities. He wanted to see all of Ronan – fierceness and tenderness all the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter. Leave comments below and let me know what I should work on improving. Also, I'm not really sure if I want to add to this story. It was my first ever fanfic so I hadn't really planned on continuing when I started it, but I'll definitely be starting a **new story** sometime soon (and I hope it's better). I also might be venturing into other fandoms :) 
> 
> Thanks for the feedback so far!!


	5. Small Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I might not continue this story, but I couldn't help myself :) Every now and then, I feel the desperate need to write some Pynch and this is a great way to do it because there necessarily isn't a plot. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!! As always, feel free to comment.

Sometimes it’s incredible how perspectives change. One moment there’s a permanent image and familiar accompanying feelings. Adam had a lot of those images- the sting of betrayal at the sight of a crumpled picture of his mom, a spark of fear followed by frightening hatred at the sight of the trailer and a sinking sense of self-pity at the slip of his Henrietta accent, at the sight of his blatant freckles and at the offer of help. 

All these things made him Adam, made up his life and suffocated him till he ached to crawl out of his skin, out of Henrietta. But as subtly as these thoughts, others had crept in and suddenly these images had started wavering. It was as if he was once facing them clearly and now he could only see behind a warped piece of glass. Now his thoughts have been latched onto other things – loose smiles, whispered Latin words, the stuttering of breaths and sneaked peeks of harsh curves of black ink in moonlight that grasped his heart with danger and softened it with the sight of long, dark lashes. 

Yes, he was sure Ronan was that warped piece of glass. As warped as Adam’s thoughts when it comes to the prospect of their relationship; but welcome nonetheless. 

 

“Anyway, I asked her and she said yes” Noah smiled cheerily, snapping Adam back to present. 

It’s the thousandth time he recounted the events of his conversation with Mia over the phone last night. Gansey, being the dad he was, smiled encouragingly, equally as ecstatic. Beside him, Blue grinned in that calm way of hers. 

“It took you long enough” Ronan groaned. He was sitting farther away from the rest of them, stretched languorously over one of the better couches of Monmouth.   
“If it weren’t for Adam and me, you’d be still pinning” he glanced at Adam briefly, and Adam dropped his eyes to a particularly interesting piece of candy wrapper on the hardwood floor, the events of that night still fresh in his mind. 

“In fact it’s been two weeks and you’re still pinning” he rolled his eyes. 

“You’re not exactly in a place to judge, Lynch” Noah’s trade-mark smirk was back in place. He was right of course; this new thing between him and Ronan was very much fresh and undefined. It felt right and yet neither knew what to make of it yet. It was a slow progress to say the least. At the sight of Gansey’s raised eyebrows and Blue’s curious gaze, Adam suddenly missed puppy-dog Noah. He needed to act fast. 

“Hey, here’s a great idea” he clapped Noah on the back a bit too harshly and the other boy glared suspiciously. “What about a double date with Blue and Gansey?”

Gansey’s face lit up at the prospect of cooing over Noah on his date and Noah winced. Ronan smiled viciously from where he was sprawled. Adam somehow felt sure it was meant for him when he caught sight of it. He felt his own lips forming into a more sympathetic smile. 

“Jane!” Gansey turned to Blue who was inches away from rolling her eyes at his excitement. “We’ve never had a double date before”   
“Well you haven’t been exactly been dating for long” Noah grappled to veer from the sudden turn of events, “Maybe _you two_ should go out”

Gansey smiled and intertwined his hand with Blue, mind already made up.

“ _Just_ you two…”Noah trailed off.

He only got an oblivious smile for a response.

“ _Alone_ …you know…quality time…” 

Blue smiled sympathetically at him. “What movie are we watching, Noah?”

At this point, Noah knew all was lost and sank down on his seat with a long sigh. 

“I swear Dick, if you even think about cock-blocking me…”

At this, Ronan snorted. “Ten dollars if he doesn’t get any action, maggot”

“Twenty if he does” Blue smiled mischievously, not missing a bit.

“Deal”

“Why do I even bother telling you guys anything?” Noah put his face in his hands. Adam reached out to ruffle his already-unruly blonde hair and chuckled. He felt eyes on him and the weight accompanied with the slow spreading heat across his body told him who it was but he didn’t dare glance up. He knew what he’d see if he did; lifted eyebrows and questioning blue eyes. With all of their friends gone, what’s to be of them both? 

~ ~

Familiar music blared, filling the impending silence but doing nothing to ease the tension. Adam had gotten off work to hop in the BMW without complaint and without question. It surprised him sometimes, how easily he accepted rides these days. It’s not just that he accepted them, he even expected them now. Each morning, Ronan would appear at Adam’s apartment- a calm presence as Adam took the last minutes getting ready- and they’d go to school together. Then he’d appear again every time after Adam’s hours working with cars. Adam never asked how he knew his shifts and he could never find himself protesting.

He liked the wild smell of expensive leather and especially that other distinct thing that he’d started to associate with Ronan. He liked the days when their windows would be rolled down, night air sifting between them. He liked the days Ronan would look over to give him one of those rare smiles when he changed his music. He liked the days when they bantered and teased. He liked those days when there would be nothing but silence, their thoughts drifting and settling at the calm presence of each other. But then there would be days when the air was full of unvoiced questions and worries, tentative glances and nervous fidgeting. There were days when the car would pull over and their gazes would meet, anticipating something and dispelled when one of them suddenly blurts a joke or a mock.

In such moments, Adam would feel words teetering at the tip of his tongue, but when he opens his mouth to speak, nothing would come out. Until today…

 

“What are we doing?” His confused voice was foreign to him. They were in front of St. Agnes and Adam couldn’t remember exactly when they’d arrived, his thoughts too occupied. He glanced at Ronan to find that he was looking at him. 

Ronan glanced away. It would be futile to pretend like he didn’t know what he was asking. “I don’t know” he sighed “It’s just…I’ve never done this before”  
A hand reached to scratch the back of his neck “and it scares me to be honest…” 

Adam nodded. He felt scared too. “I think we should talk”

“Ok” he heard Ronan inhale as if the prospect frightened him. 

“The gang’s going to be busy tonight. Wanna come over?” The words felt awkward on Adam’s lips and he flushed at the way it came out. “I mean…to talk” he stammered quickly.

“Chill would you, Parrish?” Ronan grinned teasingly. “I’ll see you later” 

~ ~

The rest of the day, Adam tried and failed rather miserably at concentrating on his school work. His thoughts kept drifting back to tonight. Each time his focus swayed, he attempted at gathering his feelings about Ronan into a coherent emotion, but he lacked the words to place them. 

At one point, there was a knock at the door and he opened the door to be met with a pouting Noah, trailed by Blue and Gansey.

“I will never forgive you” he simply said before moving past him. If he was planning on being stern, it was spoiled with his too-bright eyes and barely-contained excitement. 

“Don’t worry Noah, I’ll keep Gansey in check” Blue winked at him. Gansey frowned at that and turned on Adam.

“Adam, don’t let Ronan do anything reckless” 

“Don’t worry, I’m sure Adam here can keep Ronan in check” Noah’s casual voice went over the other’s head, fortunately for Adam.

“Geez Dick, just go on your damn date. We’ll be fine” 

They left shortly after that and Ronan’s arrival pressed on Adam with anticipation. He busied himself with taking a shower. Few minutes after he’d planted himself at his desk, forcing himself to make some progress with his assignments, he heard a short rap at his door. 

“Brought some snacks” Ronan help up two paper bags, fresh from Nino’s. He was dressed in his customary expensive jeans and Black tank. Adam reminded himself not to glance at the traces of ink curling over his pale arms. 

“God bless you” Adam grabbed one of the bags before settling on his bed. 

“Very appropriate, Parrish” Ronan remarked, a few steps behind him “given that you literally live over a church” 

“Shut up” 

The next few hours, they settled comfortably on bed- Ronan with his back against the headboard and Adam by the foot of the bed. Ronan had finished his burger with few bites and leaned in occasionally to sneak some fries from Adam.

If he was honest with himself, Ronan wasn’t really hungry, but he liked it when Adam swatted at him playfully and he liked leaning close to him whenever he had the chance. 

They joked about Noah and played out different scenarios of how the double date would ensue. They decided that the one with Gansey sitting beside Noah in the cinema and shoving popcorn between him and Mia every time Noah leaned in for a kiss was probably most accurate.   
The last of the sun disappeared and the small streak of sunlight that was filtering through Adam’s windows died out. Homework long forgotten, Adam felt light with laughter and dizzy with Ronan’s occasional smiles. His head wondered back to the talk they planned to have and he sifted through his thoughts trying to come up with something to say.

“Why haven’t we ever gone on a date?” he asked suddenly. Ronan’s insistent slurping of the long-gone soda stopped suddenly. Adam tried to look at everything but his red lips. 

“Well, why have you never asked me?” he quirked one eyebrow at him. Adam felt _his_ burrow.

The thought never once crossed his mind- that he could ask Ronan- it was simply impossible. He couldn’t grasp the thought of being brave enough to ask; even more so, he couldn’t imagine Ronan would ever say yes to him of all people. 

Ronan leveled a knowing gaze at him, as if he knew the direction of his thoughts “Is that…Is it something you’d like…a date?”

“Yeah” Adam answered honestly. “If that’s okay”

“Of course, that’s okay” Ronan scoffed “It’s more than okay” the last sentence was more to himself. 

Silence fell between them again, but it was more comfortable. Now that they’d gotten something out of the way, Ronan felt like he could – no he needed- to say something else.

“I want to buy you a phone” 

“What?” 

“I know that you’d hate it, but I want to give you so many things. I have to restrain myself” 

In other situations, Adam would have rebuked the idea immediately. This time, though, he knew that Ronan felt this way because he cared for him and it flattered him.

“Maybe I’ll let you someday. You are spoiling me with all the rides after all” He said. Ronan snapped his head towards him with surprise.   
Silence, and then “Adam” he said slowly.

“Yes?”

“Really? Because I already bought you a phone” He reached into his back pocket and held out a sleek-looking cell phone. It was simple and ordinary looking, to Adam’s relief.

Adam couldn’t help laughing. He still felt the familiar sting of embarrassment that came with his living status but with it there was something else; something that lightened his darkening thoughts. He felt grateful. 

“You…You’re” _Amazing_ “Impossible. But thank you” he smiled at Ronan, making his hear stutter. Ronan knew how difficult it was for him to accept such things (and this might have been especially difficult) but he’d only swallowed down his urge to refuse and humored Ronan instead. 

Adam studied his new phone, allowing Ronan to take in the prominent cheekbones, the slight curve of his neck as he leaned down and the smattering of freckles that he wanted to trace. He thought of the kiss they’d shared on the very same bed and felt his throat constrict with words.

“Sometimes, it scares me how much I like you” he said, almost inaudibly. Adam would have missed it if he weren’t paying attention, but he was; the only thing on his mind right then was Ronan’s closeness, Ronan’s smell, Ronan’s voice…

Butterflies erupted in his stomach. It wasn’t new of course, Adam has been aware about Ronan’s affection for long now, but hearing them out loud was a new experience altogether. It muted the doubt that had been eating him inside out and given the slightly nervous look on Ronan’s face, it hadn’t exactly been an easy admission. Adam needed to make up for it.

“I want to be able to kiss you whenever I want” Adam swallowed, waiting for his response with a frantic pulse deafening his ears. 

Ronan’s blue eyes widened with surprise for a moment before turning almost dark. “You can” he whispered and then leaned towards Adam. 

Seconds after their lips met, all calm left them. This time, it was frantic, having been anticipated for so long. Lips molded together fondly and teeth clashed together with the mere force of need. Ronan parted his lips and let his tongue swipe across Adam’s bottom lip. Adam parted his lips with a gasp. 

Ronan felt the thundering rhythm in his chest and briefly feared that the other boy could hear it. It was loud enough that the pulse rushed through his ears and lightened his head. 

Seconds, minutes, maybe hours went by and they felt themselves slowing down, hindered by swollen lips and gasping breaths. Adam’s lips felt deliciously sore, buzzing with the feel of Ronan’s. He felt his throbbing heart slow down with each inhale of breath and it was replaced by a loud pounding that stuttered out of rhythm now and then- each time Ronan pecked him slowly on the lips, when he placed chaste kisses on his neck and on his cheekbones.

It was more telling than any conversation they could’ve had and it felt more intimate than anything they’ve experienced. Adam’s thoughts calmed with the knowledge that things were going to work out between them. All they had to do was give it time and all would be out in the open.   
Cloudy with sleep and serenity, they found themselves lying down on the narrow bed, facing each other on their sides, slipping touches and small kisses between moments of drifting in and out of sleep.


End file.
